Wilson College - World War II

63 Nov. 15th 8:05 P.M. Wednesday My dearest darling: Now that my ‘duty’ letters for the evening are written, I can settle down to my letter to you. There was no mail today, and I was disappointed - the first day our schedule missed. This morning the pictures from John arrived finally - I am so happy to have them - mailed you a set first class this afternoon. Also sent spares to Muz and M. and F. Wendy and I were up real early this morning, and we discovered a new game - Wendy and I sit opposite facing each other holding hands and bounce - the bed springs have lots of give, and little Sweetie loves it - giggling away at a great rate. Bev and Joan [Harnley?] came by for us about 11:30, and off we went to Monterey. Wendy was dressed in pink ribbon, white sweater, dress, white socks and pink booties, and looked so cunning. We had lunch at Del Monte - and went to the Ship's Store where I got a big box of Kleenex and two packs of cigarettes. Looked for snapshot folders, but they didn't [pg 2] have any either - will keep on looking. When we got home and had a brief rest, went downtown - Paid our water bill, and cashed check to do some Christmas shopping. Hope to get it all done before Thanksgiving. Bought ‘Still Time to Die’ - and hope to start reading it tonight. Warren, Wendy made such a big hit while we were out our shopping tour - you would have loved it. Everyone stops to talk to her and smile - Norman flew home from England early this week - took 1 ½ days and he is on leave now, but I don't know for how long. Mother said that he was thin, but well covered with glitter and ribbons - will write you more details as I get them. Wrote to Muz tonight, and said I’d write to her again after I’d heard from you. I honestly don't know how it would work out. This house seems just barely big enough for Wendy and me. We could manage, but would be cramped. Have thought of renting Jean a room nearby if she comes, and if there is one available. Then she could eat here with us, and spend the evening when she felt like it. I wish I knew what to say. Our trunks were sent from New York [pg 3] last week Express - and should be here soon. The freight is yet to be sent out, so I don't know when we'll get that shipment. Tomorrow I'm going to get reorganized, so I'll have a place to put things when I unpack - There just isn't enough storage space for everything. My goodness, I certainly am sleepy tonight - keep yawning away at a great rate. Guess I'll read a bit and go to bed. Almost forgot - your gift to M and F arrived and Mother is just bursting with curiosity, because Father won't let her open it - Can't you just see them! Goodnight my darling - I love you very much - Bobby This is a lousy letter - I'm just too tired to think straight. Forgive me darling, from now on I'll write to you first. [pg 4] 13/42 Yorktown - Ned and Pat and us'n - Laurelei and [Plotgel?] Met Ben Brown in Subway - got Warren a ‘thinkin’ Navy Way 13/43 Met Warren for lunch at ‘the Sink’ then downtown - did all the toy departments and bought the first ornaments for our Christmas tree. 14/42 Slept til 4:00 P.M. Music Room - Flowers - wrist corsage; Formal at J.H. Charlie's - cute kitten padding about. 14/43 Lazed the morning away - To Macky to hear the [Don Cossack?] choir, then on to the May's for a very pleasant tea 15/42 Lunch with Warren - Dot and Chris - supper with Dot and Ed. Navy prospects - telegram to Commander [Huidmarsh?] 15/43 Downtown this morning - met Warren for lunch - Frankels stopped by this afternoon.

65 Nov. 17 Friday 8:30 P.M. My dearest darling: Your flowers are so lovely, they've made me happy all day. I've been busy too - cleaned house, went over floors with an oil mop, and washed all the clothes in the bathroom hamper. Big order, no? The trunk situation is sort of a mess. I sent M and F a night letter yesterday, but have had no answer yet. It looks as if they will be stuck with the charges, since we are way in excess of the poundage allowed us. I don't know yet how it all came about. In one of my letters I asked Mother to phone the Navy Yard and have them send me the bills of loading and next I knew they wrote that the trunks had been sent out! I'm going to try and get back something from Del Monte - perhaps they will reimburse at least the freight charge. At any rate, M and F have given us an awful lot in the past six months, so if you can send them some money no matter how little to start paying them back - I'll feel a lot better about it. Gladys phoned to tell me that the car [pg 2] couldn't be taken out of our garage, and said I could store our trunks etc. in the cement floored basement of one of her houses. Despite all her artificiality, she has an awfully big heart, and has been awfully sweet to Wendy and me - always asks for you. Sometime - whenever you have time, if you do, she would probably love a note from you. We are so lucky to have this house - the housing situation is tighter than ever - there just isn't anything to be had - many of the landlords are being nasty - make their tenants pay the O.P.A. rent by check, and the rest of what they want in cash - We’re probably paying too much for this house, but I'm sure it's worth it to us. Wendy's latest is dja, dja, da, da, da, da - Her hair bow really is tied to something now looks like this: [drawing] She is getting well known in town now, and it's lots of fun to wheel the carriage about. I took quite a few pictures today, but still have a half roll to go. I've read about fifty pages of ‘Still Time to Die’ - decided not to underline, because it would mean practically every sentence. It's strong stuff, but good, and gives vent to some of the venom I feel. You ought to be glad you don't have to get Wendy's breakfast now - fruit, pablum [pg 3] egg yolk and milk! You and she will have a fine time eating breakfast together we'll go broke feeding both of you bacon and eggs every day - while Mummy nibbles toast and coffee. Gosh, I wish we were having another sprout right now - there just isn't anything like a baby - especially Wendy - I wish I could send her to you for a visit - she is priceless. She has a very ‘knowing’ look, and I'm sure she is just sorting up questions for you. Til tomorrow darling - [granny?] has to tend to her knitting and get the back of her sweater finish tonight. I dreamt of you again last night proudly wearing a campaign ribbon! Will be so glad when you are back in civilian clothes again. I send you all my love- Bobby 17/42 Phoned home - went home - we meet-Blenheims - we phone - hair wash - tell Wanda - we walk- 17/43 Ordered large chicken for Thanksgiving - Met Warren for lunch on the hill

67 11/20 “Think everything's alright this morning - still no mail-” Sunday Nov. 19th 7:30 P.M. My dearest darling: This has been quite a day - and you sure have a sad sack of a wife tonight. My biggest concern is a tick bite on my back. However, I don't think it will be serious, at least I hope not. This afternoon, after walking in the darn, I felt something on my back, and it was a tick - I got it alright, but have an awfully sore back - Paula go the Major for me, who is a doctor, and he looked at it, and said that he didn't think there was any fever around here, and that all I’d probably get was something that resembled a boil - He was awfully nice, and I was quite relieved. We got to talking - He was in New [H?des] for a year and a half - said he thought the war would last at least two more years- This morning Wendy and I went right down to the P.O., but there wasn't any letter - the last I received was written last Saturday morning. When we got back I started raking out back and pulling up weeds. Did a big job, but in the process lost the baby shoes off my bracelet. It was my own fault, and I felt very badly about it. Phoned the Treasure Chest and they said they had another pair that they could send away for me. [pg 2] Gosh, when I get a bad start on a day it sure lasts. The yard looks nice, and I planted lots of geranium slips - also nailed together the garden furniture. My hands are covered with big blisters, but it was worth it. P and K and Wendy and I went downtown for dinner and had a very good one at Ella's Kitchen - soup, salad, fried chicken, squash, baked potato, coconut cream pie and coffee. When we got back Paula and I cleared a path between the two houses, so we could go back and forth without having to go across the road. The buggy will go thru easily too - so that I can push Wendy over. Mrs. Miller, Mrs. Wilgresses' mother stopped by to pick up an Indian basket that had been left behind. She volunteered that Wendy looks just like you - and she does too. Had a Special from mother - sending me a check for the trunks. She sent me directions which I will send on to you as soon as I receive the claim forms from the Navy. It's going to be complicated, but I do hope we will be able to reimburse them at least in part. Father hasn't said anything, but I can just about guess what he's thinking. We just mustn't let ourselves be in debt to them or anyone else if we can possibly help it. Paula expects Bill on Thursday, and is [pg 3] trying to decide whether or not to have another baby- wish it was that easy for us. At the rate this damn war is going, we'll be trying to have babies til we’re 50 - Isn't there any way you can figure out some plan for getting home before the end of the war? More than anything else I want you, a home, and more babies - and there just isn't anything to do - I feel so discouraged, and wonder what the devil it's all about - don't guess there is anyone who knows the answers. Guess I'll go to bed - feel sort of shaky, and have a nasty bump on my back. Goodnight darling - hold me close and never let go Bobby

68 [69] Am not sure of this number Tuesday - Nov. 21 - 8:45 P.M. My dearest darling: Am really in a state tonight and have been all day - feel horrible - just can't believe it's so long to wait til you come back. I keep thinking you will be home soon - and the realization that you won't be keeps plaguing me. I just don't know how much more of this hellish separation I can take without cracking - The strain seems overbearing now - help me as best you can. I need you so badly. I wish to hell you could get out of the Navy, and come back - How much longer is this uncertainty going to go on. What's wrong with me, why can't I get hold of myself? I'm so afraid all the time for you, my own weakness, and our future together which is such a long way off. More than anything if I am to go on there must be something concrete for me to look forward to. Otherwise darling - I'm not fooling when I tell you I'm going to go to pieces - I can feel it coming, and I don't know what to do. Don't worry about it, but try to help me overcome it. This morning I had a Special from Muz telling me not to open a Xmas present from [B?x] that she was sending - it arrived later, and have put the package with those that you and M and F [pg 2] sent. Just as I was taking the last of a 36 roll of film it broke, and the whole thing was spoiled. It's too bad because there were lots of good pictures. I finished the trunks - took out as much as I had room for and repacked the rest. I'm not unpacking the big trunk - just took out Wendy's blankets and her silver. Also our used sheets and pillowcases to go to the laundry. I'm writing Mother tonight to see if all our household goods and books (except for the professional books) can be stored - I don't want anything out here. Paula has been awfully good to me, and manages to take Wendy for an hour or two each day. Tonight she and Keeo came over for supper - I opened the bottle of Old [Crow?] smooth - and felt so good Wendy is so good - she just never cries and smiles all the time. Mrs. Aldrich stopped by this morning to pick up a Dutch Over that was stored here, and remarked that Wendy looked just like you. When I was downtown this afternoon bought two bottles of Eau de Cologne - one [carnation?] that I particularly wanted. I had no sooner gotten out of the store when I dropped the package and of course the bottle broke. Got M and F a triple leather photo folder as a Christmas present from [pg 3] Wendy. Even if Jean wanted to come out - there just isn't room in this house - and no chance of getting another one. She still writes of the fellow she met on the boat - perhaps something will come of it. I hope so for her sake. Gosh - darling, I feel so lost and lonely, and when I think of it going on and on I break down completely. It seems so wrong - just don't see any good in it at all - everything that seems so important to me when you are here is non-existent. I can't live in the past, the present is hell, and the future is a blank. Is it infantile to feel this way - I don't know. I feel so much older - worn out - tired and so disheartened. My only real happiness is with you - Wendy has her own little place - but that has nothing to do with the two of us as a unit. Wendy is ours together, but that is no comfort as far as the awful loneliness of your absence brings. Nothing sounds right on paper - nothing will ever be right until you return to me, and if I go on this way I don't know if I’d be worth returning to. It isn't hysteria, it's just an awfully deep love - deeper than I ever could comprehend before- Bobby [pg 4] P.S. 3:15 A.M. Darling: I just haven't been able to sleep - took another glass of sherry about 1:30, but it only made me feel sick, and now I have an awful headache. If there was just something I could do to bring you back, and if only I was coherent enough to tell you just how terrible it is without you. I am in such a terrific emotional upset inside myself now that my thoughts keep darting about so fast that I can't catch up with them to make any sense. I don't want to worry you, but feel as tho I must share this - whatever it is - with you - Perhaps it's because I want you to understand what it is that has made me what I am when you finally do come back. I am afraid of being afraid - just don't seem to be able to think clearly and objectively - the only thing that is clear is my overwhelming love and need for you. Feel as if I don't want to go back east, or even to Memphis if I could, because that would only break me down faster. And even if I did want to go, I’d never be able to manage the trip alone. Whatever sort of a life it is that I'm supposed to be making for myself without you - I don't know - The only thing that holds me together is knowing that Wendy must be cared for [pg 5] and I'm so afraid something will happen to me, and then what would she do? Feeling sick this way whether it's mental or physical or a little of both is awful trying not to give into it. And underneath it all I don't want to worry you or have you feel ashamed of me. There seems to be no help, and I feel as tho I can't go on without you this way - Please darling - whatever you do - keep this between us and don't say anything to Muz of M and F. There is nothing they can do to help, and it would only make matters worse. I've said before, and haven't forgotten, that perhaps I shouldn't write to you this way - I can't help it I feel as tho I must at least share everything with you even tho it's only on paper. I love you so much that it hurts - I want to give you everything, and do all I can for you - I need to, but can't stand this endless physical separation. If you could just hold me, and let me cry it out- why must things be this way - why must you be so far away from me when I need you so much- B

71 Thanksgiving Day - 9:15 P.M. My very dearest darling: Had intended to write you early and go to bed, because my cold is making me uncomfortable and stuffy. But, just as I was getting dinner Paula came over and in a state of mild hysteria. Bill, after a 6 mo. absence came down today - stayed a few hours and left. The story in between tears finally came out, and I tried to quiet Paula as best I could. It's too long, and pathetic to write about (I will tell you about it sometime when you get home) but you can probably get some picture from the essential facts: they married to young, were sexually immature, Bill at twenty-seven is just beginning to grow up and is in that adolescent state of ‘mixed uppness,’ and finally they have nothing concrete for the future! Bill's family seems to have quite a bit of money that was made by the grandfather, and Bill thinks it can get him anything. Then underlying it all is his fear of the war, and knowledge that he is afraid to be a part of it. Paula has some common sense fortunately, but I don't think either one has a lot ‘upstairs’. I'm sorry for them and the rough road ahead of them but sorriest of all for Keeo. I fixed Paula a drink, and listened to her for [pg 2] about three hours. I couldn't begin to help her, because I just don't have enough experience to draw on - the best I can do is listen and I try to understand perhaps that will help somewhat. I realized how much we have darling, and it made me afraid of what it would be like if something happened to you. And now to make me feel better the radio blares forth with a bulletin to the effect that B-29s based in the Marianas have attacked Tokio! Darling, nothing can mar what we've had together, and that happiness together with your letters and understanding do more than anything else to keep me from going out of my head. This morning your two missing letters arrived -and it was so good to have a long one again - and to know our mail is getting back and forth so well. And darling I had the loveliest surprize- a letter from Fran's mother asking me to spend Christmas with them - I'm not going, because it's going to be a hard day, and I want to spend it here alone with you and Wendy. However, I am going to ask for a rain check on a week-end in Feb, or March, whenever it's most convenient. I wrote Margarita, but never received an answer - think maybe I'll write again. Also had letters from Muz, Doug, M and F. Doug says he expects to have 3 or 4 days in San Francisco. I wrote and asked him if there was any chance of his being able to fly to [Saluias?] [pg 3] I wrote letters all afternoon - including one to Jean asking if she would like to come out for a visit this spring. When I got tired of writing I wrapped the Christmas presents already purchased. Tried to keep Wendy out of the house as much as possible - don't see how she can help but catch my cold. Wanted to put her crib in here tonight, but it won't go thru the door. Have to hope the germs will fly out the window. No, she hasn't crept any more, but tries to hunch along like a little inchworm. She is getting so chubby, and looks so much like your baby pictures. Her head, face, and hair are just like yours. Her eyes are the smilingest, and at times the most penetrating ones I've ever seen in a baby so young. Yes, darling, she is exactly what we wanted, and lots more - perhaps because she is a baby born out of love - at least I like to think of it that way. Forgot to mail your letter this morning, but since it is a holiday I don't think it will be delayed if at all. I still have some of your flowers, [pg 4] they were one of the happiest surprizes you've ever given me. I think the only one I didn't like was this past Sept. meeting on the corner as you came out of school. Everytime I think of it I get tied up inside. It helps me so much to know you understand, and are thinking of me, as I do of you. So glad you didn't wait til you were 35 - and as I look up your picture is laughing at me. Well Thanksgiving is over - for awhile today I didn't think I had much to be thankful about - but now I realize how much I do have that really matters - Thank you for you, us and our Wendy- Bobby 23/42 Hunt for Japanese tutor begins - Saw Charley again at the bookstore - 1st [sem?versary] - record of “Dearly Beloved” - red carnation 23/43 Hugh and Fran for dinner tonight - rolled roast and Brown Betty

73 Saturday - Nov. 25 - 7:30 P.M. My dearest darling: So many little things to talk to you about this evening- Last night when I turned on the light in the bedroom to get ready for bed, Wendy woke up and she stayed wide awake til I just had to stop reading and turn off the light. The conversation a running monologue ran like this gak, gah, GAK-m-m-m hahaha - bl, bl, blll, ga-GAK. I laughed til I could hardly stop - it was priceless. This morning I woke up just after you kissed me a gentle, warm one that made all nice and shivery inside. Paula and Keeo stopped by about 10:30, and we set out for Monterey. First stop of course was the P.O. where the mimeographed sheet from you was waiting plus letters from Grandfather and M and F. Bill visited here in Carmel last year - he is still in France. Then to Monterey and the Presidio where I got my commissary card. At Holman's I found a nice little change purse to send Susie for Christmas. Together with the individual presents, I'm going to get a box of glacé fruit for them all. When we got home Paula asked me to have lunch with her. So I fed Wendy and then went over. I can't quite figure Paula - I have that uneasy feeling I sometimes have about certain people - perhaps it's just because she seems so unsure of herself. She is so generous - and would do anything for anyone. She is over confiding, but I think that's because she craved affection and isn't getting it from Bill. [pg 2] I've even had to listen to a very detailed account of their sex life or rather lack of it. It's appalling, and me realize more than ever how much you, and in it's own important place, our own sex life means to me. You have been so wise in many ways with me, and I love and appreciate you so much for it. This afternoon we stopped by to see Bev, who was busy redecorating her kitchen. Monday she is coming up to help me cut out some play suits for Wendy. The little piece of pink seersucker is some I pounced on today - it's practically worth it's weight in gold. There are just no cottons to be had. We got home at bath time, and Wendy and I started a new game. I put her on the bed on her tummy facing the foot - and then I hide on the other side. Our own particular peek-a-boo, and it sets Wendy into gales of laughter and giggles accompanied by much head bobbing -Santa's belly has nothing on our sprout! Stopped in to see Muriel Simpson a the Monterey Red Cross, and she said they would be happy to have some of Wendy's outgrown clothes for Christmas distribution - so I will take a bundle next time we go over. She mentioned that she and her husband were coming to Carmel for a concert tomorrow and had gotten a sitter for young Joan. I told her that I would be delighted to take care of Joan anytime they come over - she seemed pleased and said they would. I did read thru your letters after all last night - they do me so much good darling. I’d be lost without them. Oh, how I wish they would send you home, even for a day after this assignment. When you left, Hawaii seemed so far away, and now it seems so near that I can almost believe you’re coming home. [pg 3] There is such a ‘residence of loneliness’ that only having you with me again will help. Of course, it's not only a physical craving, but an all over feeling that makes me want to lie against you and talk. It's hard to describe but I'm sure you understand what I mean. It's so hard to carry on this way. Think I would make a much better man ‘out there’ than woman waiting endlessly here. Honey, I know you wouldn't, but if ever any sort of an opportunity turns up - even if it's a matter of hours take it and I'll be so grateful just to see you. Don't discourage me - let me dream even if it's hopeless. More letters to write now - don't guess I'll ever get caught up. You are all I want and need too darling, and lots, lots more. I love you so much - Bobby

Sunday Evening Warren dearest: It's just 6:30 and already I've had a nap, straightened up the kitchen, had a supper of tomato juice, peanut butter and lettuce sandwich and a glass of milk - and straightened up the checkbook and prepared the check for mailing - Darling, it was good to have you home even for so short a time - Now that you are well on your way back to Washington [pg 2] I have only next week-end to look forward to, and high hopes that you will be here again - I am happy sweety- knowing that you are comfortably settled and enjoying your work - and that soon our baby will be here, your sojourn in Washington over and prospects for the future so bright. In the hustle of departure you forgot the camera I won't mail it to you ‘cause you can take it down when you take the trunk- I have a long list of chores to do tomorrow so my darling after ‘bending the hair’ will pop into bed with last night for company - and sleep a good night's sleep - I hope - Love you, more than ever if possible Bobby

76 Tuesday Nov. 27 - 5:00 PM My dearest darling: So tired tonight - don’t know what’s the matter - don’t have any energy and bounce any more - feel so much older- This morning we got up at 9:30 - did a big wash and put it out in the sun. Scattered crumbs on the patio for the birds - think Wendy will enjoy watching them a little later on. We went downtown about 11:00 - was disappointed not to find any mail, but that gives me something to look forward to tomorrow. Spent some time at the bookstore - and bought the Modern Library illustrated edition of ‘The Wisdom of Confucius’ - It is thoroughly delightful - illustrated in canary yellow and slate blue with dragons all over the covers. Also bought the paper bound copy of the ‘American Program’ - Will keep those books to send you when you are in Hawaii again - no sense in having too many of our books in the mail at the same time. On our way home stopped to see Bev and leave some applesauce made between breakfast and dressing little sweetie. [pg 2] Met [?] Jones and Skip Brainard - and it was quite a shock - guess I expected two smoothies - [?] is a blowzy henna tinted lass with an accent you could cut with a knife and personality to match - Skip is horsey-and if you thought I had muscles you ought to see hers! Meow-but I thought you’d like to know. Latest news has them all leaving here about Dec. 10th I shall be sorry to have Bev go - she's been good company (Wendy is looking up at your picture and talking to you) and has more sense than most people around here - Oh, I'm so excited - just said da-da - and Wendy answered back with a big DA! She is so pleased with my delight in her that she's laughing and hunching her little fanny as fast as she can - meanwhile banging her fists on the mat. This afternoon after Wendy's and Keeo's naps we all walked downtown to market. Tonight is my weekly ‘splurge night’ - buy my dinner ready made at the Specialty store - Roast beef, salad, little individual pie. That together with eating downtown on Sunday helps keep me going. Took another role of film to be developed - will be ready next week. Must bathe the sprout now - and get her supper. She's busily cleaning both fists and admiring the lamp. [pg 3] 6:30 Darling when is this hell going to end - each day it grows worse - I see you, hear you, even feel you, but you just aren't here. I try to pretend, but it hurts it just isn't real, and then I cry, and that doesn't help either - I've tried so hard to make some sense out of it all to make the best of life - to be what you would want me to be, and I've failed miserably. I've turned into all the things I never wanted to be - things always despised in others. Tho to no avail - I rebel, and get struck back every time, and still I ask why must this be? I'm so tired, alone and afraid - If I could only be with you - no matter where- just to be close to you and love you- Bobby

78 Thursday - Nov. 30 - 7:30 P.M. My dearest darling: Wendy is sound asleep - rattle clutched in her fist - have just been in for a peek. This morning when she woke up her nose was all stuffy, so I phoned Dr. Lusignan. He said it was probably a slight cold and suggested nose drops - keep her warm - and windows shut at night. So - after breakfast - Paul came to stay with Wendy while I trekked downtown. Got the drops and a few other things, and got back just in time for Paula to get down and pick Keeo up at nursery school. The drops seemed to help- Wendy doesn't have any temperature - have been sponge bathing her - and tonight she ate all her supper with relish. Wendy is so precious - always a smile - even thru tears after the nose drops. This afternoon I dressed her up in a fresh nightie and the flowered bed jacket Aunt Beth gave her - she looked so cunning. I didn't keep her in bed, because I had a fire in the fireplace all day and the house was nice and warm. She played with her toys on the mat, and took cat naps every once [pg 2] in awhile. Just think darling - She will be six months’ old on Sunday. Finished ‘The First Lady Chatterley’ it isn't very exciting, and only mildly interest in parts - perhaps we would enjoy reading it together of a rainy afternoon. What does f-g mean? “How he had hated her for not taking him fully seriously in his manly f-g!” Bev came up late this afternoon - they are being moved to a new station on the 10th or did I tell you already? It's not nearly as good a deal as this, and they are not at all enthusiastic. Of course I'll be sorry to see her go. Would really be stranded if it wasn't for Paula. Bev comes back on the 1st or thereabouts. Have your big picture on the piano and when people come in they sit between it and me, so I can look at you and wink! My projects for the next few months are finishing sweater, sunsuit, scrapbook and album- then I'm going to tackle all our unmarked linen - monograms and [name?] tape it all. That really will be a job. Now to reread yesterday's letters - a pleasure I've been looking forward to all day. Make the time go fast darling, and hurry home. I love you so very much. Bobby

80 Dec. 2 - Saturday 5:30 P.M. My dearest darling: This has been another one of those days - and now I know why mothers get gray. Wendy really led me a song and dance - sure could use some help from you! However, she is much better tonight and breathing lots easier. She was just plain ornery - perhaps it was being indoors two days - but damn it I do object to carrots, egg, lamb etc. all over me, the sprout and the room - together with temper crying spells, Poor Sweetie, she needs her daddy, and so does her mummy. No mail for three days now, and that alone would make me moody. My allotment check hasn't arrived either - if it doesn't come by Monday I'll have to cash a bond, and then buy another one later in the month. The Nettletons are leaving next Saturday - their new base is Hayward, and they expect to live in Berkeley. Bev is going to watch out for a place for us when they are hunting. Paula says rents there are much less than here, but this is probably a bad time. We got a card from Hy, Pearl and Mike today - will save all our Christmas cards and then mail them on to you, when you are back in Hawaii. This afternoon Paula drove us [pg 2] over to Del Monte - was able to get her a few things and some cigarettes for me. Saw just the right size photo album for you, but decided that there wasn't much point in sending when packages take so long to get to you, and you will be able to pick one up later. Got Wendy some pants fillers at Wards, and groceries at the Safeway - Then to Pacific Grove for bread and to leave the laundry. It's so good to get out of Carmel - even if it's just for an afternoon. Wendy is rubbing her eyes - so I must give her a sponge bath and her supper - 7:10 P.M. Wouldn't it be wonderful to be going out dancing together tonight - Saturday nights and Sunday are particularly empty-and I can't keep busy enough. Just think a year ago we were on our way to New York on leave - reading ‘[Sons?] and Lovers’ aloud - with comments by Paul and J. over the back of the seat. Tucked Wendy sprout in with a sigh of relief - her cold is ever so much better! But even at six months I can't keep up with her - she isn't still for a minute, and keeps up a running conversation with herself. [pg 3] When she started to walk - I'm going to have the saddle maker in Monterey design a soft leather harness with little silver bells so I can keep track of her. I'll have to put everything breakable away - and it won't be long now. There is so little to write about when I don't hear from you - letters establish a more direct contact than I realized. I am dreading Christmas more and more - if only Wendy was older, it would be so much easier. We will have a tree tho darling - the littlest one we can find - and we'll try to be happy as we can. The war news is so bad now - seems as if it will never be over - The third world war is already looming up in so many ways - aren't we ever going to have a stretch of a few peaceful years to lead a normal life? It is all so futile - snatch a few months of happiness always the dread of separation hanging over - than an endless stretch of waiting followed by a few more months like the first. What the hell is it all about, and why should we be victims of something ewe have no control over? And why should I have a feeling of guilt for these thoughts? If I didn't have you darling…Well I do, and I love you much that nothing else matters Bobby